Today, I’m Normal

That’s right, today I actually feel normal. For the first time in about a week. It feels so good to just be normal.

I know that most people think that I’ve been doing okay, since I’ve been blogging a lot. The truth is that I’ve had a terrible time of it lately. I started Abilify, an anti-psychotic mood stabilizer, last Wednesday (I think) and by Friday, I was cycling up into a hypomanic state. By the time Tuesday rolled around, I was in pretty bad shape. I was manic like I’ve never been before. I literally, seriously could not stand or sit still for any period of time. I was just uncomfortable inside of my own body, no matter what position I tried. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin. I was all over the place – baking, cooking, cleaning, stitching, trying to work from home, the whole nine yards. On Tuesday night, I finally cracked. I was tired of being tired, but not being able to nap because I couldn’t lay down. I was tired of not having enough energy to sit up straight. I was tired of the whole thing, so I just broke down into inconsolable tears. At that point, I had Terry call the psychiatrist’s cell phone (it was 9 PM-ish) and I talked to him about what was going on. He explained that I was in a “mixed state” and that instead of experiencing euphoria, I was anxious and agitated. Not surprising, since I paced the first floor of our house the entire time I was on the phone with him. So, he called in a prescription for Zyprexa to help bring me down from the mania. We had to drive nearly an hour each way (keep in mind, this is around 9:00 PM; it was a long night) to a 24-hour pharmacy to pick up the pills. I also had to go in and see the psychiatrist yesterday as a follow-up.

We discussed the meds I’m on and what other alternative medications there were. I have to say that I’m not convinced that the Abilify didn’t spark this whole episode, but the doctor seems to think that this episode would have happened anyway and that I’m just not on a high enough dosage of Abilify. We talked about other drugs and I decided that since the Zyprexa brought me down nicely (I started feeling pretty normal yesterday), we’ll try it as an additional maintenance medication.

All of this means that I’m really going to have to start exercising. Abilify is the only drug out right now for treatment of bipolar disorder that doesn’t have significant side effects of weight gain and sedation. I saw a relatively cheap elliptical at Walmart, so I think I’m going to go get it sometime soon. Hopefully, starting an exercise routine will help prevent the weight gain. Hopefully…

BTW, all of those posts? Written ahead of time. I cheated. 😆