The Swing

I’m pretty sure that I’m coming down off of the up end of a manic swing. I’m really hoping that’s not what it was, but I’m reasonably certain that it is.

It started at the beginning of this week. I had pretty intense stomach pain on Monday and Wednesday. Both of those nights, I had such active dreams at night that, while I thougth I slept soundly, the dreams were vivid and I can remember portions of them even now. As a result, I was so exhausted on Tuesday and Thursday mornings that I was completely incapable of waking up and making it into work both days. I didn’t wake up until nearly 2 PM both days.

That was suspicious, but what finally nailed it was when I woke up on Friday morning, determined to work from home (due to advertised parking issues), started some processes running and then proceeded to start freaking out. When I say freaking out, I mean that I scrubbed the shower while I was in it, then I went to the post office, then grocery shopping. I’ve been putting off the grocery shopping for months. Our house was almost completely devoid of meals. We bought so much that it nearly didn’t fit in the shopping cart. And I kept going. I scrubbed both sides of the kitchen sink with stainless steel cleaner, I stitched, I started some finishing work, I felt unstoppable.

We napped at one point, late in the evening, for a couple of hours, then stayed up until 2:00 AM. By the time I crawled into bed at 2:30 AM, I knew that I was in trouble, because I didn’t feel very tired. I laid there for over an hour, unable to drop off into la-la land. I finally got up and went downstairs to do some more stitching. Two hours later (5:30 AM), my body was dead tired, but my brain was still going. I was starting to get a headache, so I gave up and went up to bed again. At this point, the sun was starting to come up and the bedroom was getting decidedly brighter. I laid for a little while longer and then finally gave in and took a sleeping pill. Even that took some time to kick in.

I slept until 11-ish this morning, but didn’t feel like getting out of bed, so I slept for a few hours more. I made plans in my head to start going to bed at 11 PM every weeknight, waking up at 6 AM and taking a walk with Phoebe around the development before starting my day. And I’ve had this irresistible urge to clean. Trust me, that doesn’t happen very often. I transplanted the remaining tomato plants, planted some salad mix seeds, fed and watered the garden, picked bad bugs off of the plants, came back in, had an IBS attack, showered, had another IBS attack, helped Terry make dinner (unprecedented for me, especially when I’m not feeling well), made pasta salad for dinner tomorrow and planned to make some dessert later. I’m feeling like I’m getting a headache again, but I still have a fair amount of energy. I just hope that I can settle down for bed in a little while so that I can get up in the morning and take Phoebe for a short walk.

The bottom line is that, while I enjoy having this increased level of energy, I know that it’s probably not normal and that it is likely to end soon. I’m nervous about talking to the psychiatrist about it when I see him in two weeks. He’s already suspicious, based on one previous episode and my family history, that I might suffer from bipolar disorder. I’m afraid that this latest episode is going to cause him to want to change my medications. My biggest fear is that I’ll be put onto something different and it will turn me into a zombie. While I don’t like the lows of this past week, I don’t mind living my life with highs and lows. That’s how life is. I don’t want to be “even.” That means, to me, unexciting, unfeeling and numb.

So, we’ll see what happens. I wanted to make sure I chronicled what happened so that I can share it with Dr. Steve next week and then my psychiatrist the week after. Wish me luck!