No, I did not intend to be awake at 6:00 AM on a Sunday. *sigh* I had a particularly violent dream and I think I’m having a physical reaction to it. You see, my dreams have been a bit more vivid lately and I’m strongly connecting to some of them. To the point where I can really feel what I’m feeling in the dream (or what someone else was feeling, in this case). I mean vivid – technicolor. I can almost remember the feeling after I wake up and I wake up knowing that I felt it in the dream, and strongly. Crazy!
Anyway, cross a violent dream with vivid feelings and apparently you get a severe stomach ache (which turned into an IBS attack) and uncontrollable fits of crying. I let the first few crying fits come through so I could get out some of that energy, but now I’m trying to keep a rein on it. Poor Terry is such a sweet and wonderful guy (cue another crying fit coming on). He woke up and starting rubbing my back and stuff. He doesn’t ask and I feel very badly that I woke him; he’s so supportive, though, and I just have an overwhelming sense of how much he loves me. I finally figured that I’m not going back to sleep anytime soon, so I’ll come downstairs, allow things to process, take a pill for my IBS and wait for things to settle down enough that I can go to sleep.
I’ve had bad dreams before, but I have never had this kind of strong, physical reaction before now. I chalk it up to the fact that I could feel what it felt like for a person who was starting to die. That combination has never happened before. I suspect that part of it is my brain processing what people are thinking is Mary’s inevitable death. Part of the dream was that this woman was shot and wouldn’t die, even though she should have. So someone screamed at her to die and she started to drop like a limp marionette, but then she snapped back up into place, like she solidly refused the die. In turn, I felt what it was like to have the same thing happen to me. To have a fatal injury that started to kill me and to then snap back to life. Really weird.
Gosh, I love my friend. And I really, Really, REALLY hate cancer! I’m tired of it robbing me of meaningful people in my life. As one website said, “Cancer sucks!”
Okay, enough for now. I think I’m going to go back to bed soon. The IBS attack is starting to subside, as is the stomach pain and I’m feeling a bit like a zombie right now, which means hopefully I’m tired enough to get back to sleep. I’ll stay up for a few minutes more to make sure I don’t have another wave of IBS, then it’s la-la land for me! 🙂
I hope you were able to finally get some rest last night. I have dreams that are so realistic sometimes that I wake up in a terror I can’t shake or when I wake in the morning, I can’t figure out what was real and what wasn’t. ((((hugs)))) It sounds like you have a wonderful man, BTW! What a sweetheart to sit up with you for a bit.
I hate it when we have dreams like that … must be something in the wind, I had one last night too – and I can still remember the last part of it vividly even 18 hours later hmmm. Hope you managed to get some rest finally … and that Terry really is a keeper! 🙂 {hugs}
I know how you felt… some months ago I had a nightmare about one of my daughter being kidnapped.. I was chasing the car, screaming for help but no one did. I woke up screaming and crying, feeling like I had run NY marathon, feeling desperate! I spent the rest of the night watching my babies peacefully sleeping in their beds.
As far as your dream, I also think it’s your reaction to Mary’s illness… I don’t know if you had other updates, but as long as it’s not sure it is cancer again, you must keep the faith! And even though it comes out it’s a cancer, she already survived it, and she could win her battle again!! A lot of people will pray for her to win it!!
Raffaella
((((Jenna)))) I do hope you managed to get back to sleep after that post, and that you are having a good Sunday despite the way in which it started! (((hugs)))
Oh, Jenna, I do hope that you are feeling much better now. What a terrible nightmare! You know your friend Mary doesn’t want you going through this kind of pain for her … can you find something positive about her or your relationship to her that you can dwell on and hang on to? She needs your positive thoughts now.
Sending you lots of hugs and support!!!!!
Whoah Jenna. I hope they are gone soon. *hugs*
What a horrible start to the day. I hope you managed to get some sleep later on and that your day got better.
I have had dreams like that before. I hate those dreams that you can still feel when you wake up and remember every single detail like it really happened. They are horrible. I remember once having one that my hubby had cheated on me ( we had not been married long) and the pain I felt from it was unlike any heart ache ever before. Anyway, I woke up that morning so mad at him because I still felt that pain and it was so real seeming! I finally got over it and “forgave” him! lol
Anway, I truly hope that you get some rest! I know that dreams like that are just aweful, but just remember it is just that, a dream! I am thinking about you, I know you are under a lot of stress right now . . . remember to trust God!