Who Says You Can’t Go Home?

I have that song running through my head at the moment and it just seems so appropriate. I went to a get-together this weekend comprised of members from the paternal side of my family that I hadn’t seen in a long time. I hadn’t realized just how long it had actually been until I met two cousins, ages 15 and 16, neither of whom had been born or even conceived the last time I saw these folks.

I was quite anxious about the prospect of seeing all of these people again. Fortunately, I had forgotten about it until my dad in Florida called me last Wednesday to remind me about the get-together that was happening on Saturday. So, I only had a few days to be nervous. And I was. Quite. My hair didn’t do what I wanted it to do, I wasn’t able to wear the exact clothes that I wanted to wear and things were just generally out of my control. I’m a control freak. I don’t like things to be out of my control. It just doesn’t sit well with me. Something I’m trying to overcome. 🙂

The other thing you need to know about this side of my family is that I did not really have any good relationships with any of them, except for one lone set of aunt/uncle/cousins. So, the idea of going to a strange place and making nice with people I hadn’t seen in ages was daunting, to say the least. It became even more so when I called my dad to let him know that we were running a little bit late and I could hear this raucous cacophony on his end of the line (he was already there at this point). Eeep!

However, everything changed once we parked and walked up the driveway and into the open garage where many of the family were gathered. After the initial shock wore off, the faces started to gel with what was stored in my deep, dark, dusty memory banks and I went from one relative to another, with hugs and exclamations of how good everyone looked. And then, from the middle of them all, out came my grandmother. Bless her soul. She was so happy to see me. As was everyone present. It was overwhelming and I neglected my poor husband, who was left in my wake, but fortunately he was well taken care of by my father and step-mother, who helped introduce him around. Such a sea of faces and voices. And the heat! My goodness, it was hot!

I had only originally planned to stay for 3 hours at the most, but we ended up staying for twice that long. Once I was there, it was hard to tear myself away. I felt… whole. Here was this whole section of family from which I had separated many, many years ago and never thought that I would reconnect. And I never realized that anything was missing, until it was no longer missing. It was so good to see everyone and my dad was so happy that I went. I think it really meant a lot to him. It ended up meaning a lot to me, too!

I still feel like a slight oddball because I’m one of the only cousins of my generation who hasn’t had children, with the exception of my cousin David who is a little younger than I am and just married a year or so ago. And I would imagine that they’ll have little ones before we know it. Other than that, though, I felt so much more bonding between myself and my relatives than I had when I was a teenager. It was a very different experience going into it as an independent, adult woman with a husband and a home of my own. It gave me confidence and self-assurance, which may have made the difference. Who knows?

I really can’t explain the surge of feelings that I’ve had since then. I spent the first 15 minutes or so of the ride home with tears flowing freely down my face. It was a new beginning and I’m certain that it won’t be the end.

Things in my life are really starting to gel for the first time in a long time and it feels good. I am definitely on the right path now.