Yet another great thought from a cyberboard…
Here are some holiday tips when eating the christmas feast.
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday
buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact,
if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where
they’re serving rum balls.2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine
single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer
than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other
time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has
10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going
to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat.
Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you
think. It’s Christmas!3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole
point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on.
Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with
gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat as many times as you feel
is nessessary.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with
skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother?
It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort
to control your eating. The whole point of going to a
Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free.
Lots of it. Hello?6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now
and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which
you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying
a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table,
like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as
you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like
a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re
never going to see them again.8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice
of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples
and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get
to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with
the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all
cost. I mean, have SOME standards.10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave
the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying
attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is
just around the corner.
