This is my second attempt at this post because I accidentally hit F5 and nuked the first one. *sigh*
It’s been a long week so far. Terry is sick, just as I suspected he would be after this past weekend. He has my cold and even had a 24-hour stomach bug the other day that had him running to the bathroom every couple of hours. I’ve been working from home this week, trying to play nursemaid and make sure he gets enough rest. He’s had to log into work and fix things every day so far, relating to the system implementation. There is no rest for the weary, I guess. Poor guy!
So, I drove myself into work this morning and am actually in my office. It feels a bit odd to be sitting here for the first time since Saturday. And I haven’t driven my car in a couple of weeks, so I was anxious about it. Driving makes me nervous, in general, because I have no way to predict what kind of stupidity may come from other drivers on the road with me! I was nearly in an accident this morning, as I was coming through a train tunnel. I was almost clear of the tunnel when a guy in a good-sized truck coming the other direction started crossing way over the center line. By about a foot or so. So… I could have swerved right to get out of his way, ensuring that I scratch the back of the car against the concrete corner of the tunnel. Or I could have braked, but that would have required him to become aware of his error and correct it or brake, which I couldn’t count on. Or I could have kept on moving, hoping that I got safely out of the way before he scraped against the back of my car. So I did. And I escaped unharmed.
Surprisingly, I was calm about the whole thing. Mostly, I think, due to the fact that I was just coming from my psychologist visit and I was feeling a little more relaxed than normal. I absolutely LOATHE that tunnel, though. I always have. It’s poorly engineered and people are afraid of the sides, so they naturally tend towards the middle of what is already a too-narrow opening. It’s a very short tunnel under the railroad tracks, but it was so badly planned that it takes a sudden dip to get into it (which becomes amazingly icy in the winter due to bad drainage) and it makes a 60 degree turn that is blind in both directions. The road also gets a surprising amount of traffic from the locals, so they really need to fix it some day. Unfortunately, the way things seem to work around here, someone would have to be killed or badly injured for anything to change. And no one wants that, so oh well!
My psychologist visit went pretty well today. Very emotional again. He even commented that he always seems to make me cry. To which I responded that I don’t often get that kind of emotional release, so he just happens to offer an opportunity to vent. 🙂 He’s referring me to another psychologist for longer-term care. I somewhat expected this, especially after today. I just have too many issues relating to my childhood, my parents’ divorce and my mom’s illness to work through in the 5 sessions allotted by my workplace. So, I called the insurance company and started the case management process to ensure that my future visits will be covered and then I called and left a message with one of the three people that he recommended. It’s another male, so I’m a little nervous about whether or not I will like him. I’m not sure what happens in the process of finding a psychologist. What if I don’t click with him? Should I have gone for the female on the list? Would I feel more comfortable with a female versus a male? So far, it hasn’t really mattered. It’s all about bedside manner, I suppose. Perhaps Carol can weigh in on this subject for me, if she catches this. Is okay to switch if you don’t think it’s working with one doctor? Is it expected to need to try several before you find the right fit?
BTW, does anyone know what the difference is between a PhD and an LCSW (social worker) when it comes to therapy? Is one better than another? Has anyone seen both? I’m just curious as he gave me the names of two male PhDs and one female LCSW.
He also gave me some suggestions as to what to try in order to shut my brain off for a little while everyday. I have yoga tapes (though I don’t have a VCR hooked up at the moment) and a mat, but just don’t make time for it. I even have a game called The Journey to Wild Divine that I know will do the trick. I have both parts that are out so far and haven’t even installed part 2, which I’ve had since October. Shame on me! He also recommended some books, for which I have already placed an order with Amazon. I am definitely on the road to self-discovery. And what an odyssey it promises to be!
I’m glad to be here sharing in your odyssey … it’s wonderful to see you coming to a greater peace and understanding before our very eyes 🙂 Hope you get on OK with your new ‘therapist’ – it’s really important that you ‘click’ otherwise you won’t feel uncomfortable to unload. Like you, I keep thinking about that Yoga tape I have sitting in my TV cabinet … I don’t have any excuse except for laziness though, as my VCR is all set up ;P
Oh, Jenna! I’m so glad you avoided an accident and don’t blame you for feeling uneasy driving through that tunnel. Generally, I love to drive, but there are places that make me uncomfortable too – narrow mountain roads with little or no guard rails, lol!
Glad too that you will be seeing a psychologist. I wish I could shed some light on choosing one. We got lucky with the counselor my daughter sees as they clicked right off (she sees a woman). She most often sees the mental health counselor, and sometimes a very specialized nurse who works under a psychiatrist. He’s the one who prescribes her meds. It gets very complicated sometimes, doesn’t it.
I know you’re taking great care of Terry; hope he’s feeling 100% again real soon!
Jenna, I have F5 trouble all the time – it is one of the essential function keys for our library system so when we have to do web searches for clients I often find I hit that key and it reloads the page and we have to start over – anyway I feel that pain with you.
I hope that you find the transistion to the new counsellor/pysch a comfortable experience – I can see why you would feel trepidous about the change. I would think your connection with the therapist one of the paramount things to making therapy work – it is a trust thing and if you don’t feel entirely comfortable, that trust is hard to give. But hey, I am a librarian though so take this with a pinch of salt!!
IMO PhD is a doctor (a shrink, as we lovingly call them) and LCSW is just… nice person to talk to. I’d take phD, but I’m me and I’ve my love for degrees. 😉 (Though if we’re realistic I’d say that psychiarist knows mind much better because one has studied for years and therefore PhD is better choice… but in the end it’s your decision, and it depends also highly on personalities of considered PhD and LCSW. ) But never believe me, I’ve only seen PhDs of mind-shringking – even I have never been in actual therapy. 😛
It’s also possible that therapist may direct to you to find another one after your first visit(s) if personal chemistry doesn’t work or one thinks one’s not able to help you with your problems.
I hope you’ll find good person to work your past with. That is all that matters in the end. 🙂
Hey, Jenna, sounds like you are definately getting yourself together! Good for you!! I have a sneaking suspicion that your example is also giving the nudge to others who’ve put off their own odyssey of self-discovery. You’re a great role model!
goodness … good thing you avoided the traffic mishap. Nicholas & I went to the grocery store today & the Honda in front of us went off the road FIVE times (we counted). I made lots of room between it and us. Don’t you just wonder?
Sound like you are making a journey into your feelings & keeping my fingers crossed you get a good person to talk with. Sounds like your Dad was very helpful. What books will be you using?
Hope Terry is now on the mend. These flu bugs are just terrible.