I’ve never actually been to a psychologist before, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I went to his office onsite at work. Not sure I’ll do that again; I may opt to drive to his other office. It’s too hard to have to walk past people you know with a face that’s horribly red and splotchy from 30 minutes of crying and pretend that everything’s fine. And my face absolutely refused to calm down and my emotions refused to subside, so I ended up going home. Can you say “mental health day,” boys and girls?
Anyway, I think the session went very well. Partway through the half hour session, I realized that I should have done this years ago. I spilled everything, from my childhood to the present. This shouldn’t surprise anyone who knows me, because I’m very open about myself and my life. I have a homework assignment before my next appointment (which we’ll schedule for next week) to write a letter to my Pap. Through the whole session, he said that my strongest emotional reactions all related to the death of my grandfather in November. I didn’t get to say goodbye and I never got to tell him how much he meant to me. So, I guess it’s time to get past that.
Honestly, I never realized how many “issues” I have. A lot of things came out that I’ve been repressing for a long time. My work only covers 5 sessions and he feels that I will feel very different once we’ve gotten through those 5 sessions, but he can always refer me to someone if I require further care. He was very insightful and immediately picked up on things that I have only just recently come to understand myself. It was quite an interesting experience.
Unfortunately, once the flood gates were opened, my mind started churning and I started really processing things. The uncontrollable tears continued for HOURS, literally, even after I got home. I ended up laying down to take a nap just so I could turn them off, which helped, but I still feel tears welling up even now. My whole face hurt by the time I laid down, so I had a royal headache. Fortunately, everything seems to have simmered down now, even if the emotions are still boiling just beneath the surface. I should be fine to go to work tomorrow.
((((((Jenna))))))
I’ll email you 🙂
*hugs* Jenna
Its very scary when you see the psychologists for the first time, but it does get easier. And they help so much, you just dont realise it till a few hours or days afterwards. I have been seeing my psychologist since June of last year, twice a month now – and will be continuing for another year. But she has worked wonders – although the thoughts and stuff that does get churned up..I didnt realise how much I had got buried deep.
Good luck with it hon..and if you need a shoulder or anything, feel free to email me.
((Jenna)) Sounds like you will gain a lot of insight with these sessions.
I’m so glad you talked with the psychologist!! {{{{{{Jenna}}}}}
{{{hugs}}} If you need anything my friend, my shoulder is here. Congratulations by going and making this first giant step!
Oh, you’re doing such a brave thing, Jenna! Take it one step at a time. You’re wonderful!! You’re doing great!!!
Oh Jenna – I am sorry I missed this post – Blogrolling does not always show that you have updated your blog and I was beginning to wonder how you were coping… I am so glad you did go to the therapist. We therapists do have our ways of providing comfort and helping as we can. I hope you will post us some more updates 🙂
Jenna, that is such an important step you’ve taken in seeing the psychologist – I’m sorry to hear it was such a traumatic and upsetting first session, but I guess all that pent-up emotion has to come forward before it can be dealt with and put to rest. It sounds like it’s really going to help you lots :)) If you wanna talk more or just get ‘stuff’ off your chest, feel free to email me – my door’s always open :)) {{{hugs}}} It’s great to see you have such wonderful online support too :))
{{{{Jenna}}}} – I’m glad that you went to see the psychologist and he was able to help, even if it was upsetting and unsettling. It sounds like they’re going to be very valuable sessions, which is great news! Take care, hang in there and please let us know how you get on at the remaining sessions.
I am very proud of you. The first steps are the worst.