Life is Crazy

It’s true. Life can sometimes be really crazy. Especially mine. Especially now. While I’m trying not to complain because I am fortunate enough to be gainfully employed at a respectable company, I’m feeling incredibly burned out. Like grass circulating through a bovine’s digestive tract, I’ve been chewed up and swallowed just to be regurgitated and chewed on again. Somedays I really wish that the cow would just get tired of me and either spit me out or pass me through the other end. I guess that’s a bit graphic, but I’m at a point where it’s truly how I am feeling at the moment. And I need to vent.

So, we have work craziness on one hand. And then I make an attempt to escape by filling my personal hours as full as humanly possible. I am now volunteering one full day a week, from 9 AM to 5 PM on Fridays, and I even go later some evenings like I did this time. The work is tough, but it’s fulfilling. I work for one of the top children’s hospitals in the country and I can only hope that when I leave for the day I have made some minute difference in the life of at least one child. Honestly, I will never know for certain, but it’s nice to think that I make at least one small ripple in their ecosystem, whether it’s a puddle or an ocean. I think that working with sick children truly must be one of the toughest jobs that you’ll ever love. I realized today that it’s a good thing I have no desire to be a nurse because I don’t think I could do it for long. Talk about burn-out. Wow. They see a lot and do a lot and have a lot expected of them. I already had enormous respect for the nursing profession, but after today it has been magnified. I find that working with healthy children with normal behavior patterns and seemingly boundless energy is challenging, but working with children who are not functioning at 100% provides an even greater challenge. I cannot help but think that, while I know it’s a lofty goal, the ability to change the life of even one child would be so rewarding.

And while I work through the whole dilemma of what I would like to do next, I am reaching out and latching onto my creative passions wherever possible. As a result, this coming week I will start attending a belly dance class and seeking out vocal coaching. I have to admit that the thought of singing in front on someone again after so many years has me very nervous. Of course, the fact that I haven’t made a definitive song choice or practiced in several days when my first meeting with my prospective teacher is on Tuesday isn’t helping that fact at all. I also need to get back to my drawing. I still have so many ideas floating around my head and I need to try to start getting some of them onto paper, even if they are extremely rough to begin with. My mother believes that if you ignore the muse long enough, it will disappear and I think that I would be devastated if that were to happen.

I would also like to try my hand again at the children’s book that’s been rattling around my brain off and on for several years. I had typed out nearly all of the verses in a fit of middle-of-the-night creativity one night last fall on my BlackBerry, but never got around to transcribing it and when my BlackBerry started to fail a month or so later, the guy at work wiped it and reloaded it. Unfortunately, he didn’t back it up first and the book went POOF! I haven’t had the heart to even attempt to recreate it since then. I just really need to get over it and move on. Again, I need to write something down and get the ideas flowing again, even if it’s very rough to start. I know that it will come, if I work at it. I’m just not used to having to work at creative aspects very hard, but if I ever want to make any sort of living at it, I must learn how to work through the dry spells.

On the stitching front, I’ve done absolutely nothing since my last post. I have done some sewing, though. I have been sitting on a sundress pattern for years, plus the fabric, zippers and thread for 3 dresses. I even purchased the trim last year for one dress. I cut that one completely out this past week before I realized that it’s my favorite fabric and I didn’t want to start with that one in case I make a mistake. Granted, the pattern is simple, but I haven’t sewn in a long time and I didn’t want to risk it. So, I then pulled out a different fabric, cut it all out and started the assembly. I have a bodice and a skirt (sans zipper). I just need to attach the band at the empire waistline, draw in the bodice to the correct size, attach the bodice to the skirt and add in the zipper. It should only take me another 2 nights or so to accomplish, depending on how much fiddling it takes to get the bodice to fit (it’s currently way too big). Fortunately, I slipped on the skirt and it seems to be just about right, so I don’t think any further fussing will be required there.

Let’s see, what else? Lizzie (my 350Z – that’s a car model, for those of you non-automotively-inclined folks) had to have a new clutch installed. I got her back last Friday. She’ll get dropped off at the body shop on Monday for repairs, paint touchups and the painting and installation of a spoiler. Then she’ll be done for a while. I’m out of small upgrades and more than out of money to work on her right now. We’ll be tearing down the shed that Terry built years ago and having a two-car garage put in its place. After that, we can buy a lift to be able to do more involved work on the cars ourselves.

Is that it? I’m not sure. It just feels like there’s been so much going on that it’s hard to believe I can sum it all up in one post. I think that this is enough for now, though, regardless of whether or not anything has been omitted.

I have a conference call at noon on Saturday and have work scheduled to begin at 4 AM on Sunday, though I think that things are not progressing well enough to actually proceed with that. I’m breathing a sigh of relief as well as dreading the fallout that will ensue on Monday. However, I think that the weather is supposed to be lovely here, so I’m going to hope that I can make the most of it, even if that means just sitting outside and reading a book. 🙂

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!