SBQ – June 2010 – Part 2

Often times we identify our love of needlework and our skills with our mothers or grandmothers or other women. It’s understandable because often they were are first teachers or role models. Now let’s think about our stitching life as it relates to our dads. Is there anything about our approach to stitching that we can recognize as traits of our fathers? For instance, does your dad (or any other important man in your life) have an approach to one of his interests that you can observe and think, “Hey….if I substitute the word “needlework” for “fly fishing”, we’d be pretty darn similar!” So tell us about it.

I’m afraid that I don’t have a good answer to this question. It’s a bit amorphous for my brain to process right now. I guess I would say that I am generally a perfectionist by nature, which I get from my biological father. However, I am learning to leave mistakes in my work, unless they will screw me up further down the road while stitching the piece. This I get from my step-father, whose motto is “perfect,” even when it’s not quite.

I had the concept of perfectionism psychologically beaten into my brain as I was growing up. Everything had to be just right. My father had a lot of anger issues at that time and I think that he was just generally unhappy, so nothing seemed to measure up to his standards. I’m one of those people-pleasers who pushed myself to get straight As in school, finish first in competitions, etc. It’s taken its toll on me as an adult and while the concept may have been initially instilled in me by my father, I now take full responsibility for allowing it to continue to have a (detrimental) hold on me.

My step-dad, on the other hand, is very easy going by nature. He is soft-spoken and puts a lot of thought into everything he says and does. I guess I could categorize him as being careful and deliberate. He is very gentle, accepting, caring and giving. No matter my flaws or flaws in my work, everything is “perfect.” He has been an incredibly positive influence in my life.