Yes, that ugly monster that is depression has managed to sneak up on me again the past week or so. But, I’ll get to that later. First, a recap of our Easter visit to my parents.
We haven’t seen my parents since early January when we did Christmas, Take 2. Still, I had some sense of reluctance to travel up there. I’m really not sure what that was all about. I think it had something to do with the lack of things to do at their place. We left around 1 PM on Friday and it was a lovely, sunny, warm day. Temperatures were around the 50s, I believe, and the weather seemed to be similar when we reached my parents’, even though they are several hours north of us. Imagine my surprise when I woke up Saturday morning to several inches of snow on the ground! My dad and I ran a bunch of errands on Saturday, including getting groceries and a bunch of other things, topped off by a visit to Long John Silver’s to get take-out lunches for me and Terry. I LOVE Long John Silver’s and we don’t have one anywhere near us, so my dad was clever enough to squeeze in a meal.
We had to be back by 1 PM because my mother’s new treadmill was being delivered. Terry and I managed to polish off our delicious lunch before the guy arrived. Yummy! Both of my step-sisters were due to arrive at 5 PM for our one-day-early Easter dinner and my youngest step-sister just celebrated a birthday, so I baked a cake for her. White cake with strawberry icing, at her request. Funny how she only ate half of her slice…
Friday night and Sunday morning, my dad and I played some table tennis. Some of my longest-term readers may recall that I bought him a portable table tennis set a couple of Christmases ago, so we dragged it out and had some bonding time. Despite being somewhat bored at points during the day on Saturday and during the evenings/nights, I was sad to leave and even shed a few tears in the car on our way home.
And thus began my latest little slide into depression. I had somewhat planned to take Monday as a vacation day and I ended up having to because I was totally unable (or unwilling) to get out of bed to go to work. At first, I was going to go in for the latter half of the day, then I still didn’t manage to get out of bed in time to do that, so I gave up. First thing Tuesday morning, I woke up with a BAD bladder infection. I mean, pink in my urine, pain when I went, feeling like I had to go all of the time, bad. I meant to work from home, but ended up sleeping a good portion of the day away. Needless to say, after two days spent slacking, I had absolutely no desire to get up and go to work yesterday. But I knew I had to (the desire to keep one’s job can be a great motivator), so I dragged myself out of bed and managed to get into work, albeit a bit late. I was feeling teary and weepy all day, to the point that, when a coworker stopped by my desk and asked how I was doing, it was all I could do to not break into full-blown tears. By the time I reached Dr. Steve’s in the early evening, I felt a bit wrung out and went through a lot of tissues during the session.
So, it turns out that one of my main issues is that I’m lonely. Don’t get me wrong, Terry is a wonderful companion and my best friend, but he’s a male and I need some interaction with females. Or at least someone with similar interests outside of work. And, let’s face it, men aren’t exactly into crafts. In fact, most of my male friends are from work and all they tend to talk about is work, computers, gaming and cars. Not really anything that I can and/or care to relate to. And both of my friends, Mary and Tricia, live 45 minutes away from my house. *sigh*
I’m not really sure what I’m going to do to find more friends closer to home, since I don’t have kids and thus don’t have that automatic bond with women. The thought of it all just brings tears to my eyes as I type this. It’s a very frustrating situation. And it’s hard to find time to go out and do anything when you work all day and have chores around the house to work on all weekend. Keep in mind, we still have a basement to finish.
I talked to Dr. Steve about possibly joining the local YMCA, since it’s right down the road from my house (literally a mile away), but when am I going to find time to do anything there? ARGH! Terry and I talked on the way home about the possibility of me working four 10-hour days a week and thus being able to take one day a week off. Then maybe I can visit with Mary or Tricia or find some sort of class at the YMCA to take. I don’t know, as the thought of working 10-hour days is a bit daunting at the moment.
The problem is, we’re not very sociable people when we’re at home and I’m an introvert, so I’m kind-of doomed when it comes to building new relationships outside of work. And there aren’t many females at work to hang out with and we’re all fairly reserved when it comes to our private lives. If only some of my stitching buddies lived closer. It doesn’t help that not only are some of you spread out across multiple states, but multiple countries, as well! Any ideas, anyone? I’m so tired of being lonely.
Jenna, do you belong to a church? I know at our church they have a women’s group and it’s cross generational – so there’s young women, old women, mothers, non-mothers, professionals, housewives, singles, etc. It’s a great group and we have meetings and social events. I would recommend that…if not that, then I highly recommend the YMCA or what about volunteering for Girl Scouts? I am a leader of a troop, the Service Unit Manager for our area and also the Cookie Person for our area. It’s a lot of work in some cases, but there are young girls that don’t have role models and desperately need interaction with an adult woman for role modeling, etc. I think a lot of people think that Girl Scouts are for mothers or are paid positions, totally not true, I’m a mother and that’s how I got started, but 98% of the organization are just volunteers. They train you, there are meetings to attend and you network and get a base if women that you become friendly with…some of the best friendships I’ve made have been through girl scouting and you don’t have to be a mother to do it. My co-leader is a young professional that just got started because she wanted to make friends. If you are interested get online and find out where your nearest Girl Scout Council is to you…this can all be done on-line…fill out a volunteer application and get started! YOU could make a difference in a girl’s life tomorrow!
I totally feel you. Why do you think I force myself out the door two nights a week to go to classes? It hasn’t resulted in friendships quite yet, but it is good to talk to people who don’t know you every now and again.
I have some ideas here…I hope I don’t overwhelm you!
Your YMCA may offer opportunities than you think. Even in our small town, the YMCA opens at 5AM and doesn’t close until 10PM. Classes are typically mornings and evenings.
Even if you don’t take a class, but just go to work out, you may find that you’ll see a bunch of “regulars” all the time. A simple nod or hello every day may develop into a friendship. I found that the friendships kept me going there, even when I didn’t feel like exercising.
One last thing – You’re such a great stitcher…have you considered teaching it? The YMCA may be able to use your talents, and you might meet some interesting people. Or your local library may need crafty folks for their children’s story time program. People are really friendly and nice when you’re helping their kids!
I’m a private-type person like you are, so I think I understand how some of these things kind of put you “out there” and can make you feel uncomfortable. But maybe try to connect a little at a time and I know that friendships will develop for you.
You’re getting some great suggestions so far. 🙂
I read your post and it was like I was reading something I’d written myself. Just add in the excellent “excuse” of having four kids to justify one’s introverted tendencies, and we’re identical twins.
I have a hard time making myself put myself out there for social stuff – the language is a barrier, time is an issue, and frankly I’m just not very good at socializing. The bi-weekly volunteering I do at the food bank has been good for me. There’s a large-ish group of 12 to 15 people there, but they are all about a generation older than me so they’re less scary for me to spend time with. And where it’s only biweekly, I manage to scrape up the time somehow. The dog walking I did for the local shelter was also remarkably helpful for warding off isolation and depression. I really miss that, but I’m unable to go till Arden’s older (no kids allowed for safety/insurance reasons).
I’ve heard amazing things about the Y organizations. I know an aunt of mine was really happy with the social contacts she made at her local Y chapter.
I hope that you’re able to find an activity that fits into your schedule and your interests – it really can be a life-changing experience. 😀
Jenna, I would move next door to you if I could!! You have had some great suggestions.
I hope your bladder infections goes away quickly!
I love Long John’s too – but it doesn’t love me! I usually try to plead with my DH to let me have it, and he always reminds me that it upsets my stomach, and I do the same amount of pleading with him to NOT let me eat it. LOL
I know exactly how you feel – I’m introverted as well, and my closest friends are all a few hours away from me. Socializing online has helped a little – I try to visit blogs on a daily basis and stay in touch with people via email and IM. It makes me feel a little less isolated. But like you, I struggle with making “real life” friends – it’s hard when you don’t have children, I agree!
The most important thing is that you’ve identified the problem and are taking steps to deal with it. Even if those steps aren’t immediately successful, the key is to keep plugging away at it. You’ve gotten some good suggestions, and hopefully with the weather getting nicer, the depression will break. Just keep trying a little bit every day. You’re not alone!!!
((hugs))
yes girl time is a very good thing. It wasn’t really until befriending several new neighbors on our street that I felt “right”. Like you said, DH is great and all, but with girls it’s different. And odd as it sounds, having kids isn’t an instant bind- there’s more people involved to like (you like the mom, but the kid(s), “Yikes!”, just don’t want my kids around those monsters!) and added schedule woes.
I found when I started taking computer classes that I started building some friendships. With the neighbors though it’s even better as are all close. We had talked for ages about a craft night for just us girls. But we all seemed to drag our feet. So I got all gung-ho and set up a night, said the time and it was at my house. Then they all showed! We made it a weekly thing and I felt soooo good. I looked forward to it, and they did too.
Is there any way that you could find a local craft group? Are there any local stitchie shops that have craft night? Even if it was an Adult Ed class (for a craft you have never tried even) I think you might like it.
I wish you were right near me or I near you…. (hugs)
I know exactly what you’re going through with regard to having friends. We’ve lived here for 3 years and I have yet to find any friends. We live out in the country and do have some neighbors, but not like living in a subdivision where you get the change to chit-chat while you’re out getting the mail or mowing the yard or taking a walk. I don’t work outside the home, so no co-workers. The people at my church, while very nice, are old enough to be my parents or even my grandparents! I was hoping that I could get to know some of the other moms at the preschool. Most of the moms (and dads) seems to already know each other, and honestly, they’re not very friendly outside of their little cliques (gee, I thought I left high school several years ago…). I wasn’t born-n-raised here, so yes, I’m “new”…that doesn’t mean I’m poisonous or there is something wrong with me! Same thing with the dance class moms, but they’re even worse. The people my age around here just aren’t very friendly.
I guess I’m just kind of waiting until any other opportunity presents itself for me to find a friend or two. I plan to volunteer at school next year when my older daughter starts elementary school, and she’s wanting to play soccer in the fall…maybe I’ll find someone I can bond with through either of those venues. I’m not exactly shy, but I’m also not the person who can walk into a room of strangers and make friends with everyone in 10 seconds.
For the time being, I just hang out with my husband and my girls, and I try to get together with my mom every other week or so. And what other me time I have, I just spend stitching or reading. I figure one of these days I’ll get to know someone…I just have to be patient. 🙂
Lots of hugs for you, Jenna!
And yes, I too recognize the problem with getting real life friends… I don’t have any problem talking to people about this and that, but I tend to keep my private life very private – even though I know that you can’t get a good friend you can trust if you don’t share your personal thoughts! Kind of backwards thinking on my behalf there…
And no, it isn’t easier just because you have kids – the talk tends to revolve around them, so you don’t get the close and personal connection anyway. Besides, there’s a limitation to what you can say when those little pots with ears are running around, you never know what they pick up!
I’d move nearer to you if I could, then we could have lunch, go shopping, and later chit-chat over a cup of tea and get some serious stitching done at the same time!
{{{hugs}}} I am afraid I can’t offer too much more than what has been offered here. Perhaps expanding your crafting horizons may help? Take a local pottery or beginners painting class, or even find a scrap booking group? A perfect in is to try something new – and you can explore your creative side, too.
It can seem so very much harder to make new friends when we’re older – and I tend to agree with Angela, having kids doesn’t make it that much easier, really. I sometimes feel it’s similar to dating, finding friends who you really ‘click’ with. I’m not surprised to hear a lot of similar comments here – cross-stitching seems to attract us introverted types 🙂
I don’t know that I can offer anything more than the comments above, there are some great ideas there. I personally have just joined a crafting group, which is on a semi-casual basis, but I’m going to try and make it to at least a meet per month. I do have to make myself though – sometimes I find myself stuck in a loop of ‘oh, everyone will be so much cooler/younger/prettier/more talented than me’, before I make it out of the house, but it never feels like that once I’m actually there.
Just to let you know I sympathise and empathise.
xxxxx
(Decided it was getting too personal, and sending via separate email.)
Couldn’t just read and run-many hugs! I tend to be the same way, even though I have 2 kids. Lately, I have joined a scrapbooking group of ladies. I am not much of a scrapper anymore, but it’s nice to have somewhere to go at least once of a month. Sometimes I have to force myself to go, but I have fun when I get there. I do wish I had a stitching friend in real life too, but maybe someday.
I hope you are feeling better soon!
These wonderful women have such fabulous ideas that I couldn’t think of thng to add. However, I am thinking of you and I know that things will eventually get to how you want them to be. Hang in there!
Adding my hugs to those of all your blogging friends. Keep exploring ideas until one of them clicks with you. My church family is like my backbone, and while at this particular moment in my life I don’t spend oodles of time with my friends, there are a few who I know will always be available if needed, and I for them. I’ve also been involved with different civic groups, special interest groups that have broadened my horizons. Volunteering is another great way to meet people. Like you, I’m an introvert (as so many of us stitchers) so I kind of weave in and out from these activities as needed. Jenna, you have so much to share, I know that you will find friends as you expand your horizons. {{{{hugs}}}}
{{{HUGS}}} Jenna! I’m so sorry to hear that you’re lonely and depressed. I hope you are able to plug into a group somewhere. I belong to several informal stitching groups and they make such a difference!
I can totally relate to your lack of female companionship/lonliness. I’m not very outgoing or social around people I don’t know, so it makes it hard for me to make new friends. Plus, I don’t have a male companion or kids either. None of the people I know are into crafts, except my sister and she moved an hour away. The new LNS in town doesn’t have a ‘stitch-in’ (yet). You know, our “problem†is very similar… it’s kinda eerie. I thought about going to the Y… but it’s too cost prohibitive (which is why I try to workout a lot at home). Work and school keep me from going insane. I’ve noticed that since I’ve been exercising more, my anxiety has lessened and it keeps the blues away. I know I haven’t been much help in the way of suggestions. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. 🙂
I can so totally relate to this. I don’t really have any friends that stitch that are close, so I feel a little isolated with that. Plus, I am also an introvert and we don’t really go out and meet new people either. So, it does get hard. I try to make time occasionally to get out and do social things – like my book club, like going to the gym, etc. You might also look into spending some stitching time at your LNS, maybe you could meet some like-minded ladies there? I feel for you and know how hard it can be. I love Eric, but I also need female friends to spend time with.