Tale of a Shooting Star…

We decided to capitalize on having Good Friday off tomorrow, so I came up with the brilliant idea to take all of next week off. That means we get 10 days off for the price of 5. Not really, since we both have to come in to work on Wednesday for meetings and such, but close enough.

In fact, I can’t remember the last time we took time off just to hang out at home and relax. I don’t know that we’ve ever done it, but we definitely need it! So, I’m looking forward to being able to sleep in, eat junk, play games, stitch and whatever else I feel like doing for several days. Woohoo! 😀

However, I’ll probably end up doing some computer work. I think I’m ready to take a shot at redesigning my personal site again. I’ve had a rough sketch of the graphics done for a while, but am just too chicken to even try to figure out how to realize my vision in Photoshop. Now, I have some vague ideas of where to start, so I may give it a try. We’ll see what happens!

I am WOUND UP today, I tell you! Not sure what my problem is, maybe it’s sleep deprivation, maybe I screwed up my meds, who knows, but I am high as a kite, talking 90 miles a minute and making people laugh until we all have tears leaking out of our eyes. 🙂

Of course, I was up early today, so I fully expect to crash later. Especially now that my belly is full of food, finally. Oh yes, there’s a yawn…

Oh well, it was nice to be so chipper and full of energy for 8 hours!

I’m sorry but these were too funny for me to be able resist posting them:

IN PRISON… you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK…you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON… you get three meals a day.
AT WORK… you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON… you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK… you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON… the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK…you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON… you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK… you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON… you get your own toilet.
AT WORK… you have to share with some idiot, who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON… they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK. you can’t even speak to your family.

IN PRISON… the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK… you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON… you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK… you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON… you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK… they are called managers.

Have a Great Day at WORK.

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam!”

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies “I’m positive.”

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?”, they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, ” I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Continue reading →

Two Sisters and a Bull

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to
purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their check book, then takes their last $600 dollars
out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy
the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides
she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no
less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a
telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram
to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to
hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it
home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds,
“It’s just 99 cents a word.”

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She
realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send
her the word, ‘comfortable.'”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know
that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here
to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable’?”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde.”

“She’ll read it very slow.”

Somedays I don’t know what I’d post if it weren’t for these types of messages:

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one…
———————————————————-
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note …”
Customer: No … wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on
my desk… sorry….
———————————————————-
Helpdesk: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
———————————————————-
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill
Gates!
———————————————————-
Customer: Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I
try it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…
———————————————————-
Continue reading →

I finally took a few minutes to dig into the stylesheet for this blog and figure out why ‘cl’ looked like ‘d’ and I found it. Letter spacing was set to -1 pixels. Yeah, that will do a number on a lot of fonts. Mix that with a radically san-serif font and you get the ugliness that used to be my entries.

This is all thanks to Dave, of course, whose comment made me realize that he was reading the word ‘clog’ as ‘dog’ and wondering why I was talking about my dog being down the drain the other week. 😀 So, thanks Dave!