Tale of a Shooting Star…

I received not one but two surprise packages in the mail when I got home yesterday!

First was from ‘Chelle. I had completely forgotten that I asked for her Lady Violet chart when she was done with it. I guess she’s finished it now. 😆 Thanks ‘Chelle; this chart just screams “stitch me!”

Second was from Michelle. Another complete surprise; Michelle sent me a birthday package! She sent me Just Nan’s Morning Flower off of my wish list and, let me tell you, this design is more beautiful than I had imagined. I can’t wait to have some time and fewer WIPs so that I can start on it! She also sent me a beautiful needle magnet, stitched oh so delicately over one with a gorgeous, deep plum beaded edge.

I hope that you are feeling better soon, Michelle. Thank you so much for thinking of me!

Let me just say that these two ladies created a bright spot in a difficult day. The psychiatrist still won’t listen to me. He upped the dosage of the one drug that I think is causing the mixed state and when I commented that I never had a mixed state before starting this drug, he retorted that I never had any of these issues until 3 or 4 months ago. Yeah, well, I’m still entitled to my opinion. 😛 Not only did he up the one drug, but he added another one called Lamictal that’s supposed to help with the mixed state. Finally, he decreased my Cymbalta (anti-depressant), saying that it could be helping to cause the mixed state.

I’m not happy with the fact that if I listen to him, I’m now going to be on a total of 4 medications for what’s supposed to be a low-level bipolar disorder. It isn’t sitting well with me and so I called my mom last night to talk to her about it. She and Terry both have the same feeling that I do, that this is just too much and not moving in the right direction. The psychiatrist wants to see me one last time (in 3 weeks) before he moves and I think I’m just not going to make that appointment.

After my talks with Terry and my mom, I have decided to decrease the Cymbalta and try increasing the Abilify (which is what I think is causing the mixed state) and see what happens. I’m not going to go onto the new drug at all and will start looking for a new psychiatrist. Fortunately, I see Dr. Steve tomorrow, so I can bounce all of this off of him and see who he recommends I go to next. I think that I may even go so far as to not transfer my records to the new doctor. I think I’d rather start from scratch and see what a different doctor thinks, without the prejudice of another’s opinion. I’ll have Dr. Steve send over a letter so that they have some base to work from, but I think I’m just going to request my records from the psychiatrist and keep them to myself.

This not being able to focus stuff is just really getting on my nerves. Couple that with not getting a full night’s sleep and you have a recipe for failure. But, somehow, I am making it through.

I’m to the point where I’m amazed when I’m actually able to accomplish something. I feel like warning everyone that I’m absolutely useless today, but it’s not totally true. I may feel useless, but I’m pushing myself really hard to get things done, in spite of everything.

I see the psychiatrist this evening, but I’m not sure that it even matters, as I just received a letter that he is moving to another part of the country. I’m thinking that this could be a good thing. I wouldn’t mind starting from scratch with another doctor. I really don’t want to take any meds for the bipolar right now. I want to wean off of what I’m on, see if I can get my concentration, vision, weight and libido (sorry if that was TMI) back to normal and then maybe, MAYBE we can discuss trying me on a different medication.

We’ll see what the current doc says to that proposal. If he’s not amenable to my suggestion, then maybe the next one will be. It’s a good thing that I see Dr. Steve on Halloween because now I need a recommendation for a new doctor! Part of me is unhappy to have to start again, but part of me feels like I didn’t have the kind of rapport with this psychiatrist that I would have liked to have and is looking forward to trying again with someone else. Maybe I’ll find one who doesn’t feel like I have to be on meds for the bipolar, but will be willing to treat just the depression for now.

Winter Dragon, that is. I received the package containing Outi’s RR fabric and journal from Leslie on Friday and in that package was the Kreinik blending filament that I needed. Kreinik discontinued the color, but Leslie managed to find it and was kind enough to buy some for me, as well.

Since the Kreinik arrived and I no longer had any excuses to put off working on Winter Dragon on Leslie’s fabric, I spent Friday and Saturday focused on finishing it. And finish it I did. YAY!

I don’t think I’ll be starting Fall Dragon on Outi’s fabric for a little bit, to give myself a break. I just had such trouble with the blended backstitching and colors not showing up enough. I really had to focus hard to get it done.

I’m so glad that we decided to do this as a round robin and not as a SAL, because, otherwise, I think this would have become a UFO!