Tale of a Shooting Star…

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.
No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
No one ever says, “It’s only a game,” when his team is winning.
Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
I’ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
To err is human, to forgive — highly unlikely.
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? This is way scary.
Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.

This is a quote spoken by Marg Helgenberger in the role of Katherine Willows at the end of an episode of CSI I watched last night. And I think I like it! This pretty much sums up the kind of philosophy I’d like to learn to live myself.

I just thought I’d share that because it resonated with me so much. In the meantime, I’ve been fighting a headache all day, which is inevitable during menstrual week, so what do I do? I went outside and weeded like a mad woman while Terry mowed the grass. He told me to stay inside because he knew I wasn’t feeling well, but I have this thing about not being able to sit inside like a spoiled princess while he works outside. Someday, I’ll have to get over that. 🙂 But hey, I should only have one more one-hour weeding session left before I can start using the Roundup and stop pulling everything by hand.

1. Blaming your farts on me… not funny… not funny at all!!!
2. Yelling at me for barking ….. I’M A FRIGGIN’ DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose… stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you’re not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! WhooooHoooooooo, what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for “the big snip”, then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven’t quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. Dog sweaters. Hello??? Haven’t you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you’re just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these things . We both know who’s boss here!!!
(You don’t see me picking up your poop do you ???)

Understanding Engineers – Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

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Understanding Engineers – Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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Understanding Engineers – Take Three

Continue reading →

Barbecuing is the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man
declares he will BBQ the following chain of events is put into motion:

1. The woman goes to the store and buys everything.
2. The woman makes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.
4. The man places the meat on the grill.
5. The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10. Everyone praises man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.
11. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed; her night off. And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing a woman.

As seen in the latest Nordic Needle sales newsletter:

• Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
• Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
• Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
• Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
• If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
• If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
• Never buy a car you can’t push.
• Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.
• Nobody cares if you can’t dance. Just get up and do it.
• Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
• The second mouse gets the cheese.
• When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
• Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
• You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
• Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once
• We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
• A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.